Living in the Now!

Learning to enjoy my life more!

The long road

on 16/03/2012

Struck down

I may have already mentioned, I’ve been ill since just before Christmas, I was looking forward to taking a few weeks off college to spend with family and friends. I also wanted some time to catch up with some of the work and see if I could get ahead with my work. Friday night, the first day of the Christmas break, me and my wife Vicky wanted to go to the movies and relax, it was also my first day off from anything in about a month.

After the film we were driving home about 6pm and I was suddenly struck with an overwhelming feeling of tiredness and it was almost impossible to stay awake. Luckily my wife was driving but she could see I was really struggling, and was having difficulty in even comprehending questions. So as soon as I got home I went and slept, I didn’t wake for 12 hours.

Being worn down

Through out the few days leading to Christmas day I could not do much, every time I attempted to work or think about anything technical I would have a hot flush, my head would tingle like my brain was on fire and I would immediately feel tired and need to sleep. It got so bad that Boxing day (the day we celebrated Christmas with my wife’s family because my wife, her dad and brother all worked Christmas day.) I had to repeatedly sleep an hour or so just to be awake for dinner and present opening.

As each day passed I was getting more and more worried about my college work as I was unable to work on it and I kept thinking about the deadlines. Four assignments due in the first week back, two on the first day. This was not helping my stress level and that didn’t help me, each week I would go to the doctors and they would send me for tests but seemed to not really know what was causing it. But saying that it sounded like post viral fatigue but they also needed to test for TIA or Transient Ischemic Attack AKA a mini stroke just because of the neurological symptoms I’d suffered.

Big decisions

As the time drew nearer for me to go back to college I was becoming more anxious about the work I hadn’t done and where it was going to leave me in terms of being able to complete the course. The doctors I needed to relax and rest also avoid stress but I knew that wouldn’t be an option in college. The first day approched and I was still very unwell and not able to make it through a day without needing to rest at least twice, so I decided to notify my tutor of my situation and tell him I wouldn’t be able to attend for a few days. A week rolled by and still little improvement in my condition, I consulted my doctor  who gave me a sick certificate for another week.

I started to think even if I get back soon I’m not going to be in a condition to actually work and started thinking about leaving and coming back the following term to complete the second year. as the week rolled on I became more and more resigned to this and started to feel better as it seemed to release some of the tension and stress I’d been carrying. And then as my week certificate ran out I told my wife of my decision, it wasn’t easy to make and it was hard to follow through with, I kept expecting everyone to try and talk me out of it but no one did.

First day back and I was anxious to talk to my tutor and see what was going to happen but he was busy, so I went to my lessons and went along with the work as I didn’t want to disrupt what the tutor was doing. But also I wanted to see if it would effect me adversely. After and hour I got my answer and it wasn’t good. I then chatted with the tutor about my decision and she said that it made sense but was unable to say if I would be able to do that as things were changing the following term. I needed to speak to my year tutor who was only going to be there for another week before starting a new job.

Eventually I managed to talk to my year tutor who surprisingly agreed with me and said that he also thought it was for the best, so advised me about what I needed to do and I said my good byes to my class mates. It felt so hard walking out of there like that, I was so torn by my want to stay and study and my need to look after my health. But what good is a degree if I’m dead.

But what good is a degree if I’m dead

January went by and I had started to improve but the rate of improvement was slow, I went through test’s like a 24 hour blood pressure test that was normal (surprised me as it was an incredibly stressful day, the boiler broke down, the nurse put the monitor on wrong so I had to get it re fitted.). Febuary, 24 hour ECG test that was normal but when I handed it in I actually felt the symptoms so they put me on another ECG machine immediately and there was no unusual reading. March I go and visit my doctor after a increase in the symptoms and after a lengthy disscusion about the things I was doing surrounding it we had a bit of a break through.

A few weeks before I fell ill with this I had started to get a constant twitch in my right eye, but I had ignored it as a sign of not sleeping enough. I am still getting this twitch nearly five months later, that coupled with my activities meant my doctor suggested that I Take regular breaks from my computer, and allow my self time to mentally unwind before going to sleep after using it. Saying that while I’m sleeping I’m still thinking about work, and I’m waking up and immediately thinking about work even though I may not be doing it and that mentally I am not getting any rest and that its causing my fatigue. I am also to go get my eyes tested as I suspect I may have eye strain.

Little by little

Little by little I’m improving and after a few weeks of getting better I have gone days without feeling ill. I have also started to wear my glasses while at my computer, something I should of being doing all along but never felt that it was important (I know, already had the “I told you so!” moment from my mum.). Still awaiting my eye test due to a two week waiting list but I’m getting there. I did have a little relapse last weekend during a family party I had spent a long time sorting and perfecting a music play list and it had taken a bigger toll on me than I though and I spent the whole occasion sitting and drinking. Not participating as I had hoped, but I did find an appreciation for alcoholic ginger beer and Kentish strong ale.

The road is long but I have till September to get in shape mentally more than phyisically but that should also be a consideration also. My wife Vicky has helped me so much and I wouldn’t of been able to care for my self, so it ‘s with a whole lot of gratitude I say “Thank you Vicky!”. and it is at this point I will say good bye to you my readers as I’ve been writing this for two or three hours and I have only had one break and it’s 5:37am (for those that my not know I’m very much a night person.).

So good night and please don’t be an idiot like me use your computer responsibly and take care of your selves and your health.

2 responses to “The long road

  1. […] to the hospital for a consultation to try and get to the bottom of the illness I experienced over Christmas, lots of tests to be carried out, blood heart and I think a CAT scan. But it seems to be leaving me […]

  2. […] to the hospital for a consultation to try and get to the bottom of the illness I experienced over Christmas, lots of tests to be carried out, blood heart and I think a CAT scan. But it seems to be leaving me […]

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